No, No--You're Doing Your Terrorism All Wrong!

[saavedra77]

According to The BBC, The New York Times, and NPR, a U.S. official has been briefing journalists "on background" about the contents of a captured letter from senior Al Qaeda figure Ayman al-Zawahiri to Al Qaeda in Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.  The text of the letter itself has not yet been released to the public, but its themes could be (without stretching things very much) satirically paraphrased as follows:

(I don't really need to warn you that it's utterly repellent crap, do I?)

" To Sheikh Abu Musab al-Zarqawi -

"We like the martyrdom operations, but what is this fetish of yours with beheadings? I don't think they're very good for P.R. (There are other ways to execute hostages, you know.)

"And aren't you getting a little carried away with killing Iraqi civilians? It's not time for that, yet. Remember our Master Plan: We will settle scores with the Shia after we have established our glorious new, pan-Islamic caliphate! (Phew! Good thing no Shia will ever get to read this!) Maybe before, maybe after we conquer Israel.

"By the way, things aren't going very well for us in Afghanistan. You wouldn't happen to have any money lying around you could spare for your poor, downtrodden fellow jihadis in the Hindu Kush, would you ...?

-Yours fanatically, Ayman al-Zawahiri."

[Edit: feyandstrange points out that the text of the letter actually has been released. See her response for the link.]

Comments

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

It actually has been released:

http://www.dni.gov/release_letter_101105.html has links to the original Arabic and an English translation in PDF.

I lack the brainpower to wade through the typically Arab ornamented text today, which is probably just as well for my stomach.

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

I lack the brainpower to wade through the typically Arab ornamented text today, which is probably just as well for my stomach.

Having just now waded through it, let me assure you that you were doing your stomach a favor, there ...

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

I like the part where he talks about his "favorite" wife was smashed by a concrete ceiling.

What comes around goes around, eh?

But I bet he didn't mind too much, as he has a dozen or so wives.

"Favorite" wife?... come on... you fucking scum, like they're trinkets on a shelf.