Lies and Lying Liars

[saavedra77]

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now (even if we don't speak often), please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE-UP, FICTIONAL "memory" of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post these two paragraphs on your blog and be surprised--or mortified--about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

Picked from number42 's digital pocket.

Comments

[greyaenigma.livejournal.com]

My favorite memory of you was that time on Venus when we were back to back, fighting the yellow lizard-people. I've still never quite forgive you for stealing the heart of the Venusian princess away from me.

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

Yeah, them yella bastids never had a chance!

As for the Princess' heart: What can I say? After all, it was my name she wrote on her organ donor card ... ;D

[verbicide.livejournal.com]

I'll never forget that time we went to Joe's bar mitzvah and you mistook the rabbi for his mother! Man, the look on your face....

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

Never gonna live that down at Temple ...

[drglam]

I'll never forget that debauched weekend we spent in Madrid, the hours sipping rare liqueurs at that little sidewalk cafe as we watched the stylish Spanish ladies walk by. Tangoing late into the night at secret clubs. We almost missed our plane the next morning because you were sleeping so soundly that you didn't hear me pounding on your hotel room door.

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

God, why did we ever even come home ...?

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

Hey, I forgot where we buried the body. I think I left an important file with the corpse. Any suggestions?

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

Um, you mean the guy we whacked in Oaxaca or the one we did in Rapid City ...? 'Cuz the ground over Mr. Rapid City's gonna be frozen harder than your boot camp drill seargent's ass, this time of year.

Maybe you can boost us a backhoe?

[(Anonymous)]

Shit this nigga axing me 'bout Rapid City. Imagine dat. Hell no I din't leave no muthafuckin documents in Rapid Shitty, what you think I am?!

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

OK, then it's mariachi time! I'll whip up a couple fake passports. Hey! I hear that Julio rebuilt that bar in Ciudad Juarez! Whadda ya say we trash it for him, again, on the way down?

[morganminstrel.livejournal.com]

That time we hijacked that PVTA bus after work at the Stop and Shop and took it to Boston for a joyride around the city? Man, I can never forget the police chase down 90 where you drove over the median so fast that the cop cars behind us spun out of control and into that semi. I was screaming, sure, and my heart's never been quite the same, but my what a time!

Dude...

[ronelyn.livejournal.com]

...that was ME. You and him was the week before that, and you drove the bus into the Quabbin because Schmallturm told you that rumor that Lovecraft had hidden clues to a treasure in his stories and Saavedra thought he'd figured them out, but you needed something big to break down the gates on the state park because the thing was only visible at night, but then the brakes didn't work right because it was the shitty Smith bus and you guys were rocking and rolling and rocking and rolling and couldn't stop, even when you crashed through the illegal campfire those guys lit so the pot smugglers from Canada would know where to air-drop their bundles, which put out the fire and so they accidentally dropped the bundles on Dakin, and you guys kept rolling right into the lake and floated almost to the dam before you figured out how to steer by opening and closing the doors on the bus and you got to shore but the bus ended up jamming the sluiceway and they had to use a crane to get it out and you almost got arrested because of that HUGE bundle of pot in your room, but Saavedra and HippyBongstocking bailed you out by feeding it to the sheep and the cops got totally confused because all the sheep were going "Mooooooooo!!!" all night, and they usually only do THAT on Halloween! THAT was the time you're thinking of. :)

Re: Dude...

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

... But were you the one who was driving when we ran over that state trooper who looked just like Jackie Gleason?

See, those years are still kinda hazy ...

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

Mmm-hm. drglam tells me that my face is still all over Post Offices in Mass--my old face, that is. :) Good thing you hooked me up with that plastic surgeon in Reno!

[number42.livejournal.com]

Remember that roadhouse we tore apart after getting shit-faced on Budweiser? I still see that one waitress, Jolene, on occasion...

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

Jolene!?! B***h gave me crabs!!!

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

*Flutters eyelashes*

[yesthattom.livejournal.com]

I don't remember anything but waking up in a pool of blood and you says, "shit, dude! we gotta get out of here!" I passed out and when I woke up we were on a bus back to town and you kept muttering something about bananas.

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

I musta been bananas to let you talk me into breaking into the Trump Casino vault armed only with a water pistol. But that fire axe sure came in handy!

Now, if we could just find our way back to that clearing in the Pine Barrens where I buried the loot, we'd be all set ...

[ryuusama.livejournal.com]

I will always treasure the time we got shit-faced by chasing an entire batch of bourbon balls with Absinthe, stole Picasso's "Girl with a Mandolin" and hung it on my dad's bathroom wall with wheat paste, then said my brother did it when the FBI arrested us.

BTW--my brother says hi, and asks that you stand as his best man at his wedding to Rocco this spring after they both get paroled.

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

BTW--my brother says hi, and asks that you stand as his best man at his wedding to Rocco this spring after they both get paroled.

Yeah, when I see them again, it'll be like "Are those two baseball bats with nails in them, or are you lovebirds just glad to see me?"